Originally posted 10/11/07 on my BlackPlanet blog, now edited for this blog.
12:20 p.m.
I could say that today is just another day in a chain of days. I could point out the fact that at this moment I’m experiencing the fruit of my own words.
“Who needs a man?” Spoken out of the woundedness of a broken heart and a spiritual low. It was a lie, but it was a lie I believed and repeated aloud over and over to anyone who would listen for a period of two years. I pumped iron, lifted, toted, fixed–did what I needed to do for me and mine and patted myself on the back with glee.
Four years later, the lie being exposed for what it is, I still experience the fallout caused by my ignorance of the power of words. It’s weird, really. I am and was totally aware that words created the universe. That the Word transcended time and space, became human, lived among us, and died on the cross for our sins. That hearing, believing, and proclaiming the Word earns us individual salvation.
I knew that the Word proclaims that the power of life and death exists in the tongue. Words can then be seen as seeds impregnated with possibilities. When a word becomes attached to the spirit within us and is spoken with belief and conviction, it must come to pass. God’s Word will not come back to Him void. But even knowing all that, the correlation escaped me and existed only around the fringes of my consciousness for years.
Now, studying the topic “Language of the Believer in Christâ has wrested it from the fringes and pulled it to the forefront, and with it the knowledge that if I say that I am _________, they might want to take me away to the place where I wear a helmet and that nifty white garment with the fashionable strings and zippers only they can work. The thing is that it wouldn’t even matter if I said it in jest or sarcasm. Words have meanings, and their meanings come into play.
That being said, as I sit here I’m fighting mental demons and being careful not to claim, confess, or profess any mental instability or disability. I choose to believe that today is not just another day. Today is the day I begin to speak blessings, not curses, into my existence. I will be diligent in activating my verbal spam guard moment by moment, day by day. Today is the day I preach harder to myself than anyone else. Today I stand on God’s Word that by His stripes I am healed. I experience, command, and proclaim my belief that He is close to the brokenhearted, and that whatever untended or unmended pieces float around beneath the surface of my subconscious are being mended even as I write this.
2:30 p.m.
Now I’m listening to a worship CD at work and putting on my garment of praise. As I listen to the words below, I’m filled with the deepest desire to sing them and really mean them. To stop the conditional surrenders that have been the mainstay of my Christian walk. To acknowledge that God never has and never will be the instrument of my hurt, disappointment, or whatever I’ve laid at His door over the years. He loves me and wants more for me than I could even think or ask for myself. To declare that I forget the struggles, the self-pity, the selfishness, the fear of hurt, and the injustices of life, and to just worship God, to the point where when I can’t even speak, moan, or elucidate, His Spirit takes over and gives me a prayer language that saturates my being and builds me up.
“I Give You My Heart”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVoajZSDdAw
This is my desire
To honor You
Lord with all my heart
I worship You
With all I have within me
I give You praise
All that I adore
Is in You
Chorus:
Lord I give You my heart
I give You my soul
I live for You alone
Every breath that I take
Every moment I’m awake
Lord have Your way in me
(2x)
